Deciphering Iowa

“Iowa’s just a random hick state.”

“Iowa’s caucuses don’t matter at all – it’s just one state.”

“Why do we let Iowa matter so much?”

Statements like these reappear every four years. Perhaps they’re just a reaction to the status quo - against a feeling of powerlessness in political processes. Maybe they're a product of coastal disdain toward any states between the Appalachians and the Rockies. In any case, every four years Iowa begins the candidate selection process, and that quirk isn’t likely to change soon. So, accepting the status quo, what can we learn from Santorum's amazing performance last night? What will it mean for the rest of the Republican primary?

One surprise candidate from four years back, Mike Huckabee, provides a starting point to analyze yesterday's events. Like Santorum, Huckabee emerged at the last second as a “true conservative” alternative to Mitt Romney. Interestingly, last time John McCain was the "moderate" voice, and many Romney supporters flocked to Huckabee at the last second. How is Romney the moderate voice this time around?

Both Huckabee and Santorum spent fractions of what Romney spent and emerged at the last second to beat him. While Romney’s campaign seems stronger than ever, this should worry him. Polls in the past few months show widespread grassroots discontent with Romney. New candidates emerged frequently as a “Romney alternative”: Bachmann, then Gingrich, then Paul, and in the past few days Santorum. Has Romney ridden the storm? Will he emerge successful? Probably. But why are people so determined to find anyone but Romney? Are people put off by the same “distance” they feel with Obama? Do people distrust his history of extreme privilege? Is it that he’s more moderate (at least during his tenure in Massachusetts - less so now in rhetoric), which doesn’t work well in primaries/caucuses? Could there be an anti-Mormon bias?

Four years ago, Huckabee’s campaign was easy to dismiss: he had the fleeting appeal of a populist. He wouldn’t last the election season. I mean, goodness, he told Chuck Norris jokes in his ads. Santorum hasn’t been quite that laughable, but his recent ads are hilarious because they use doublespeak to highlight his biggest fault: Santorum claims to be the only candidate who can beat President Obama, when in reality he has no chance of beating President Obama. He's too extreme.

Santorum isn’t as ridiculous as Huckabee was, but his appeal seems just as likely to fade. Santorum already spent quite a bit of time in New Hampshire, but he is still polling terribly there (10% to Romney's 47% this morning - even after his performance in Iowa). He comes across during interviews as a wide-eyed fundamentalist. But he won’t peter out as quickly as Huckabee did, and in a season when momentum matters, perhaps he shouldn’t be written off yet.

Santorum is the best alternative for Perry and Bachmann’s former supporters. (Let's assume that Perry drops out in the next few weeks - after even hinting at dropping out last night, his funds will dry up immediately.) Gingrich seems determined to take Romney down after his ugly fight with Romney’s Super PAC. Both of these points will help Santorum. Plus, who doesn’t love a folksy underdog? Maybe Santorum’s newfound media attention will bring undecided voters to his camp. ...but, if I had to make a prediction, I’d say Romney emerges victorious. Perry’s and Bachmann’s supporters were few, and Gingrich is easy to dismiss as angry and erratic. Furthermore, unless he suddenly performs amazingly (unlikely), Huntsman will probably drop out soon too and throw his support behind Romney (a la Giuliani supporting McCain in '08).

Most worryingly for Santorum, Romney’s Super PAC now will likely focus all its Gingrich-busting resources on Santorum. And let’s not forget that according to polls Romney is the only one that has a chance of competing with President Obama. Even bastions of the “liberal media” – the New York Times and the New Yorker – have run pieces in the past week praising Romney. Is this because he’s the most centrist? The most pragmatic? Or is he just running the most effective (and expensive) campaign?

What about Ron Paul? The former libertarian candidate – and arguably the only leading Republican candidate who is both coherent and immune from "flip-flopper" criticisms – did very well with younger voters last night. Overall he finished close behind Romney and Santorum. While his supporters have the zeal of recent converts, his populist appeal only seems to grow over time. Is Ron Paul a feasible candidate? My hunch says, "No." He’s too extreme in too many views to win the Republican ticket. While people may theoretically like his ideas, they will be scared of the drastic changes he proposes. My prediction is still Romney.

Last night highlights the extreme divisions within the Republican Party. Three hugely different candidates each received a quarter of the votes. Could we see a disgruntled candidate leave the race and run as a third-party candidate? Such a move would be amusing, mostly because it would ruin Romney’s chance of beating Obama. But Republicans are known for stepping in line after primary season, so this is unlikely. My prediction: Romney gets the Republican ticket, and after months of speculation about how he might possibly beat Obama, he won't. This prediction is, of course, hugely dependent on the economy. But for now, I vote Obama over Romney in the presidential election.

Election season is just beginning folks, and it’s going to be a good one. And yes, it felt great to write this entry and barely mention Michele Bachmann.

The Delta Project

Hey everyone -

Quick update: Morocco was grand, I took a little vacation in Italy on my way home, and now I'm in Jersey, living in what could aptly be described as "Hogwarts." Many thanks to Mom and Dad for driving me and all my stuff out. My sentiments are somewhere between anxious and excited for the semester to start.

I find myself thinking most days about the political transitions going on throughout the Arab world. Just under a year ago, I wrote several personal statements detailing that I wanted to study political transitions and reform in the Arab world. I had been living in Egypt and loving it, and I was ready to study the region and the language forever. Then the Arab Spring began. Now I find myself wondering if I shouldn't be back there studying the current transition on the ground instead of in a far off Ivory Tower. My current path is, of course, an amazing opportunity, and I don't regret enrolling in grad school. But I still wonder what I might be missing.

Excitingly, I can live vicariously through three of my former co-Fulbrighters who are traveling back to Egypt to document the current transition... except, unlike every major news outlet, they aren't doing it from Cairo or Alexandria. They're focusing on the region that claims a majority of the Egyptian population: the Nile Delta. They all lived in the Delta this past year, speak Egyptian Arabic, have good contacts in their respective cities, and will do a really fantastic job.

My friends are just looking for a little funding. Fortunately, the entire project shouldn't cost very much, and they're going to produce a book and DVD that will be available to funders at the end. They're also talking about setting up Skype interviews with schools or organizations that help fund the project. More details are here.

In less than a week they've achieved almost half their fundraising goal, and in the next two weeks they hope to raise about $3000 more. Let's make this happen! Also, just so you know, if you pledge money through this site but then they don't reach their goal by Sept 21, you will not be charged; the pledges will only turn into donations if the project moves forward.

Finally, if anyone knows of any organizations or grants that might fund projects like this, please e-mail me or leave the info in the comments section. Thanks!

Al-Akhawayn!

Part two of my summer Arabic extravaganza has started! Last week I moved to Morocco to enroll in Al-Akawayn University's summer Arabic program. Al-Akhawayn (click link to see wiki page of university and a picture) is a beautiful place. We will have class 5 hours a day, and apparently there will be about that much homework each evening. Hopefully it whips be back into shape before I head to grad school this fall - I fear I've gotten lazy in the past couple years. I will have a Moroccan roommate (don't know this person yet), and I don't have internet in my room, which should be great for studying but terrible for keeping in touch and staying afloat with world affairs. I promise to respond to e-mails, so please keep in touch!

Enshrining Bigotry

Minnesota’s recent push to vote on a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage is not a move to “let the people have a say,” it is bigotry in its most raw form. The best part of the debate is that the two sides are talking past each other when they don’t have to: attacking the Republican argument directly better highlights the contradiction therein.

Democrats have a host of familiar, and very valid, arguments. Voting on the rights of a minority is not appropriate. Lawmakers should be using the last weeks of the season to focus on the budget, not passing constitutional amendments targeting minorities (especially when there is already a state law banning gay marriage!). And when one Republican said, “People have indicated they would like the opportunity to define marriage. They don’t want to leave it up to the courts,” Democrats rightly retorted: That’s what courts are for - not allowing populist sentiments to target minorities. But if we dissect the Republican argument, we see it for what it is: an embarrassment to the great state of Minnesota, driven mostly by fear.

Republicans are coyly using populist rhetoric to get away with doing something very shameful. They know that the only time a state beat a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage was in 2006 in Arizona, where two years later a similar amendment passed. But such amendments won’t be possible forever, and the ones that do pass thankfully won't be around forever either. Public opinion is quickly swinging. That’s why there has been a mad-dash by Republicans nation-wide to stall the inevitable advent of marriage equality. Republicans know that the amendments aren’t passing by overwhelming majorities anymore, and that the number of people nation-wide who approve of same-sex marriage rises every year. CNN now reports that more than half of the population nation-wide approves, and this poll favored people with land-line phones - disproportionally older people who are more likely to vote against same-sex marriage. Republicans are running out of time to enshrine hatred. So they resort to constitutional amendments. Why? Constitutional amendments are more difficult to overturn than mere laws.

Republicans don’t just want people to vote on marriage equality (which is heinous in and of itself), they want people now to dictate morality to future generations. Republicans are arguing that people in 5 and 10 years don’t deserve the same “say” that they’re demanding now. In 5-10 years, the law would likely be overturned, either by popular vote or a court. Writing discrimination into the constitution will make it much more durable.

Most exciting of all, this amendment is a tacit admission that Republicans are on the wrong side of history. They see the momentum and know what's coming, and yet they're still choosing to stand on the side of hatred and intolerance, hoping to delay same-sex marriage for a couple extra years. They acknowledge that they've lost the war. Otherwise, they'd be more likely to trust people in 5-10 years to make up their own minds as to whether they'd like to repeal the anti-same-sex marriage laws.

Our nation’s courts – comprised of our country’s legal experts – are finally figuring out that LGBT people are an historically marginalized minority. People nation-wide are meeting LGBT friends and family members and seeing that they're totally normal people with the same motivations and life goals as anyone else. It's smashing our hetero-centric mindsets. And instead of welcoming this process – a process that recognizes that love is something to be celebrated, and that will inspire fewer teens to kill themselves every year – social conservatives are doing what they like doing most: subjecting their neighbors to their supposedly heightened sense of morality through legislation that will embarrass our grandchildren when they look back and wonder how we could have been so backward. Republicans in Minnesota aren’t motivated by "wanting the people to decide” – they’re driven by fear of the future, a rejection of loving families, and a distrust of legal experts. Minnesota, you deserve better. It’s time to say no to bigotry. It’s time to beat this amendment.

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A couple links:

A nice editorial from Winona, MN - not a huge town by any means. I'm impressed.


A republican law school professor who does not support gay marriage talks about why this constitutional amendment is still a terrible idea.


A MN Senator: "How many more gay people does God have to create before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around?"


Another scathing piece from the Star Tribune


Great summary of articles written state-wide - turns out ZERO editorial boards have come out in favor of this amendment, which really makes one wonder which "people" are asking for this to be brought to a vote, as one state senator keeps claiming.

GaGa's latest hit

Let’s take a break from Egypt. I could bore readers with tales of life here; seriously, my life isn’t terribly exciting: I go to Arabic class, study Arabic, spend too much time online, exercise (but not enough), and squeeze in quick trips to Cairo or Zagazig on the weekends (much to the chagrin of my perpetual intentions to Study All Weekend). Instead, I'm going to talk about pop culture.

Since first heading to the Arab world almost three years ago, I’ve become something of a connoisseur of all things stereotypically American. Things I never really enjoyed when I lived in the USA – silly comedies, trashy pop music, French fries, soda – suddenly became remnants of a life I missed and desired, even though I didn’t partake when I was there.

Partway through Peace Corps, one such obsession emerged: Lady GaGa. Poker Face mystified me. I still laugh hysterically every time I watch the music video for Telephone. She was “the next Madonna” with only a few singles released. Her songs break records instantly. I’ve studied, memorized, and analyzed her lyrics and beats, and gotten giddy waiting for new songs to come out. But some critics are starting to wonder if GaGa has already peaked.

Born This Way was hyped to be the anthem for our generation. ...I wouldn’t go that far, but I wasn’t as disappointed or underwhelmed as some, either. I found it catchy. It lacked the intentionally vapid quality of her other songs that always hid something slightly sinister – an ability to convey a message and an attitude while ostensibly just writing about fame, fortune and individuality. This was a quality I liked and respected in her music. But she branched out. Born This Way is a nice, feel-good song. It was perhaps just overhyped.

Some felt Born This Way was a remake of Madonna’s Express Yourself. I’m not sure that's true, or if it matters. Madonna has always been one of GaGa’s biggest inspirations, and GaGa has not apologized for it. Born This Way was something new too: it was, unquestionably, the most LGBT-friendly song to ever hit mainstream pop culture. I can think of no other hit song’s chorus that includes the word “transgender.” GaGa is still pushing the envelope, and I love her for it. Who cares if she was merely pandering to her base?

There seem to be two mainstream interpretations of Mother Monster and her relationship with her fans: that she is an artistic and musical genius who is decades ahead of her time and that anyone who doesn’t like her is a simpleton who doesn’t understand her; or, that she is a great marketer with fans who will gobble up any garbage she produces, and who will convince themselves they should like it. I guess I’m somewhere between these two camps. While I haven’t been blown away in a little while, I am certainly still engaged and impressed. (I hope she makes an acoustic album sometime – that girl’s piano remake of Viva La Vida is my #1 most played song on iTunes.) She amuses like none other. She keeps coming up with new ideas for costumes, grand entrances, and even wackier explanations for what her actions really “mean.” Some don’t make sense, but they certainly make you wonder if she’s a genius or if she might just be insane.

Judas, in my opinion, shows some of GaGa’s best qualities, but it also highlights some of the concerns people have expressed about her. It is catchy and edgy, beyond a doubt. Many people are already up-in-arms with a variety of analyses: is it a love song for Jesus from a Mary Magdalene who relates well with Judas, or a praise song GaGa herself is singing to Judas, or, perhaps a love song Jesus (one could be forgiven for thinking she’s comparing herself to Jesus) sang to Judas? And by love, she doesn’t mean, “love as a brother or sister in Christ.” The language is fairly explicit and sexual. And if you’re offended, “wear an ear condom.” GaGa is going to f*** with your mind, whether you want it to happen or not. All you can choose is if you want to get infected.

References to a sexual Jesus often aren’t taken well. References to a sexual Jesus from a potential male lover who betrays Jesus – that’s straight-up scandalous. This is not the first time it’s been done, but it's certainly the first time a pop icon wrote a mainstream song about it. She says Judas is merely the next step from Bad Romance – a story of being in love with someone who’s terrible to you. But her refusal to analyze her own lyrics further when there is so much ambiguity is a return to intentional vapidity with dark undertones, taken to a new extreme.

GaGa’s confession that the song is influenced by Bad Romance raises concerns: she might not be a true creative genius – heck, her songs already sound the same. (Seriously, there are some chord progressions that I know I’ve heard before and that lyrics from Bad Romance fit too well over.) That said, given her recent appearance in an egg and her new protruding cheek bones, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of this woman’s creativity. The other fear is that the fame is already going to her head and, if she wasn’t a little wacky to begin with, that she might be going truly insane. Only time will tell on that. For now, I look forward to Just Dancing several nights away to Judas and several other songs that will be released on her new CD next month.

Until then,
A Little Monster

I'm baaaaack...

I'm back in Alexandria, not with Fulbright, but studying Arabic privately. Couldn't pass up this opportunity to be back in Egypt during the current political transition. Holla now, ya hear?

Egypt, I already miss you...

A week ago, Fulbright contacted us and told us that we aren't being invited back... at least not yet. Things apparently haven't stabilized sufficiently. Granted, I'd feel totally safe in Zagazig, and I'd even love to be in Egypt during the current political transition - seems like a fascinating period - but the majority of the other Fulbrighters are in Cairo, which Fulbright (or the people Fulbright takes orders from) feels is still unstable enough to preclude our return.

I'm sad about this. I adored my town, my classes, and the UNESCO English club. I will miss these things terribly if we do not return. Unfortunately, it seems like the things Fulbright is concerned about are "uncertainty" and "instability" - things that don't disappear in the short-term. So, it's probably time I start looking for some way to pass the time between now and this fall when I hope to enter graduate school. I was thinking about heading to Damascus to study Arabic, but I'm starting to feel like this might not be the greatest time to head to a country in the middle east known for violently repressing dissenting voices. Morocco might be a better choice for the summer. For now, I may just stay in Chicago. This city is fantastic, and with some luck I might even be able to find some sort of temping gig until the end of May, when I hope to head to Morocco.



Dear Morocco,

Please don't go the way of your North African neighbors.

Love,
Carl

An Open Letter to Mssr Qaddafi

Dear Mssr Qaddafi,

I don't understand what you've been thinking these past couple weeks. You are going to lose. It's inevitable. You are going to go down in textbooks as a murderer. Or be tried in international courts for heinous crimes against humanity. Why condemn yourself to such a fate? You have seen the protests in your neighboring countries just swell in the face of government crackdowns; what makes you think that those in your country will be any different?

This interview with the BBC/ABC certainly was amusing, but do you even realize that everyone is laughing at you? Do you believe the things you say? Have you surrounded yourself with so many yes-men that you really think you are still serving your country well? That people like you? Or are you a straight-up liar?

What really scares me is that you seem to think that you can tell the international community that all your people love you, that there are no protests, and that the only people against you are Al-Qaeda members, and you actually expect us to believe it! Do you realize that this is the 21st century? Do you realize that half of your constituents have facebook profiles and phones that can record videos? Do you think that by simply denying the protesters' complaints and killing them they will go away? Because they won't. When you began your presidency, that might have been an option, but it isn't any longer. It isn't even a viable intimidation technique any longer. People will oust you. You're in trouble. I hope you realize this sooner rather than later - it's the only option that will avoid unnecessary killings and international shame.

Last week President Obama declared that the US would be willing to intervene in Libyan affairs if the crisis worsened. Mssr Qaddafi, this is big. Nobody likes a nation-builder. They're horribly unpopular. If a man who championed himself as the anti-nation builder is saying he'll intervene in your country if things worsen, you should know that you've done something terribly wrong.

So, what should you do? Well, you could flee. Oddly enough, that's probably your most dignified option. Sticking around, even on the off-chance that you might try instituting some reforms (which you won't) is no longer an option. You really might be killed if you stay much longer. And you won't die a martyr. History will view you as a tyrant who oppressed your North African nation. So seriously, just get out. You probably won't leave, which is dumb of you, but I hope you realize what you are condemning yourself and your country to by staying.

Cheers,
Carl

Mubarak Steps Down!

Congratulations to my Egyptian friends. After Mubarak's poorly received speech yesterday, he resigned a little bit ago. I'm a little surprised he'll be staying in Egypt. I hope he doesn't become a target for disgruntled protestors.

Let's hope the coming transition is peaceful and meaningful. ...I might return to Egypt yet! Again though, no viable transition is in place. The protesters have rejected the VP who is now in power (with help from the military). That said, the biggest rallying point was hating Mubarak. If he's out, things could return to normal-ish.

As I mentioned yesterday, this may mean more unrest for the region. Other countries in the Middle East/North Africa now have Tunisia and Egypt to look to for inspiration.

Ladies and gentlemen, the fun isn't over yet.

Egypt: A Preliminary Sorting of Thoughts

Since returning to the States, a number of people have asked me for any insider points of view I might have on the situation in Egypt. I've hastily brushed off all such requests. "How do you feel about being back in America?" Fine. "Do you think you'll return to Egypt?" I have no idea. "What do you think will happen next in Egypt?" Your guess is as good as mine. "Do you think this unrest will spread to the rest of the Arab world?" Not sure. Probably nowhere besides maybe Algeria and Yemen, but I was shocked when Egypt exploded as quickly as it did, so I'm probably not the best person to ask.

...but then something unrelated will set me off, and I'll go on an unorganized rant. I apologize to any friends who have suffered this mindless prattling. Again, I'm no expert on what's going on. My guesses on the future of Egypt are typically based just on anecdotal evidence and hunches. But in an attempt to sort out my thoughts, mostly just so I don't end up doing so verbally with friends (think "word vomit" from Mean Girls) I've decided to sort out my thoughts a bit each day with a journal entry/blog post. If any of you feel motivated to read my disorganized spiels, go ahead. I just can't promise they'll be worth much. Okay, enough qualifiers. Here goes nothing:

Today, I'd like to start with President Mubarak's shocking afternoon speech. After two weeks of escalating protests - tens of thousands of people are still pouring into Cairo's Tahrir Square by the day - Mubarak announced he would give a speech this evening. Most assumed he would step down. Top military officials in Egypt said that "the protesters have won." Even the head of the CIA thought Mubarak was going to resign. Instead, in an amazing show of defiance, Mubarak reiterated that he would stay in power. He promised to transfer some power over to the (not terribly popular) new Vice President.

Mubarak has often cited his "responsibility" to the country of Egypt as his reason for sticking around until the election in September. He frequently threatens that the region would descend into chaos without him, namely in reference to Israel. Scarily, one doesn't know how far off-base this threat is. Mubarak's regime receives a lot of money each year from the US to like Israel, and Egypt carries a lot of clout militarily and diplomatically throughout the Arab world. Egypt also is at the other end of a bunch of tunnels often used to smuggle arms into Gaza, and while Egypt has typically closed these tunnels as they've been discovered, these tunnels might become more tolerated under a new regime. Whatever democratically elected leader replaces Mubarak likely won't be as nice to Israel because, well, people in Egypt are really, really pissed off about the entire Palestine/Israel conflict. Last fall, even after a round of embarrassingly rigged parliamentary elections, most Egyptians I spoke with didn't seem too riled up about their country's political situation (which is one more reason I was shocked to see such grassroots anger explode in the past two weeks). Mention Israel, though, and you got a lot of impassioned Egyptians. I never really encountered much anti-Americanism during my tenure in Egypt. Unless one somehow started talking about Israel. Then people got irate and started yelling.

I'm not even going to try to delve into Palestine/Israel in this entry. Too hard. Too messy. All I'm going to say is that Egyptians are pissed about the mess, largely at Israel and, because of the aid we give Israel (nevermind that Egypt is the second highest recipient of US aid in the world, after Israel [excluding Iraq/Afghanistan as of late]), they're also mad at us.

So, how does the US respond to the current situation in Egypt? By doing just what we've been doing: acknowledging the protesters and affirming their complaints as legitimate, but by not saying much more. Why? Well, first off: the complaints really are legitimate. Imagine the grassroots anger that must have been present for a leader-less group of protesters to organize a million people, especially after the internet was cut nation-wide and cell phone reception blocked in Cairo. But Mubarak is digging in his heels. Part of Mubarak's speech today was dedicated to rebuking any outside powers that want to meddle in Egypt's future. We have no idea what kind of power vacuum would be created if Mubarak did suddenly leave office. Mubarak's days are numbered. But creating some sort of transitional government is the best way to ensure an orderly transfer of power. It may mean that the new government is largely a reshuffling of the old one. But maybe some decent political reforms (term limits for future presidents, greater autonomy for the Supreme Constitutional Court, more oversight and accountability during elections) can be snuck in in the process.

Furthermore, the United States has been rebuked for engaging in too much open nation-building as of late. It's horribly out-of-fashion. Making conclusive statements about who should or should not be in power is a great way to make enemies, especially when nobody really knows who will be in power in six months. It's also a great way to end up fielding the blame when the person we do endorse turns into a dictator. Furthermore, given the lack of leadership or organization in the protests, there aren't a ton of viable candidates to promote. So maybe staying silent-ish is the best option. Push for constitutional reforms with a nice mix of soft power and that multi-billion dollar aid package we throw at Egypt each year and hope for the best.

Unfortunately, this plan isn't helping the US's credibility with the Egyptian people. Since we aren't pushing for change, at least as outwardly as Egyptians are, we're seen as agents of the status quo. And if there's one things Egyptians do agree on, it's that the status quo needs to be over, yesterday.

When the protests in Egypt first started, some uninformed, alarmist reporters State-side (*ahem* Fox News) warned that Egypt could go the way of Iran. That's unlikely. Egyptians don't want that to happen. And I'm confident that Egypt's rather strong army would step in if the government in Cairo started resembling that of Tehran. Sure, power vacuums are scary. And the Muslim Brotherhood isn't a huge fan of Israel. But the MB isn't behind the protests. It's also not a monolithic block that is against all things democracy and Israel. Its leadership has even sworn off violence as of late. The MB is a highly complicated, multi-faceted organization and, as of now, it's saying it won't try to come to power at all. And even if the MB were better represented in future governments - which it perhaps should be, if the government is to reflect the Egyptian people's views - that doesn't mean that Egypt will be the next Iran. Again though, it could mean that a new regime is not as friendly toward Israel, which is unsettling because it could upset the precarious balance of power in the Middle East/North Africa.

So here we have it: a most intense version of the balance we try to promote with our foreign policy - democracy and stability. Nobody wants Egypt to descend into chaos. I would hope that even Mubarak doesn't want that, though given his nearly sinister response to the protesters starting a week ago (seriously, molotov cocktails? being thrown at peaceful protestors?) one can't be sure. I hope that he is just understanding the region's intense need for a stable Egypt. Sure, he's overstayed his welcome by using stability as an excuse. But he'll be gone soon. Given the response to Mubarak's speech tonight, I'll be shocked if he really does make it until September. Hopefully the protests don't get much more violent (...tonight might be scary after his speech). That all said, if Mubarak proves resilient, it may dampen the other protests in the region; if he goes, other countries might be inspired to pull a Tunisia. But are these excuses to keep a leader around when at least a million people are calling on him to leave? Will it hurt our credibility that he is assumed to be working with us? In the name of stability, do either of those questions matter that much?

All things considered, I really don't know what will happen next. I don't know if the region will plummet into chaos. I'd like to think it won't. At least not in the extremely repressive (Libya, Syria) or wealthy (Saudi Arabia, the Emirates) states. Again though, I didn't think Egypt would turn this violent, and I was obviously wrong there. Hilariously, Iran is siding with the protesters, while Mubarak is probably just hoping to re-enact Ahmadinejad's amazing ability to stay in power after rigged elections and nation-wide riots.

As someone hoping to study political transitions in the Middle East/North Africa, I must admit that the whole situation is at the very least fascinating. Before going to Egypt I remember lamenting that I would be there the year BEFORE the presidential election next September. I thought any interesting transitions would happen then. Good thing I'm not a professional analyst: I totally failed with these predictions.

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May 6, 2011
An end note: It certainly was interesting to go back and read this blog three months later. I hilariously mentioned Libya and Syria as places where the governments might be too repressive for protests to take hold. Totally wrong! :) This momentum isn't done yet, folks. We have interesting short- and medium-terms ahead of us in the Middle East/North Afria.

Again?

It's true: We've been evacuated. Is that verb supposed to be passive? I'm beginning to hope that "being evacuated" doesn't happen to me too often in life. Twice has proven plenty.

Fulbright informed us last Tuesday evening that we had to leave Egypt. After 84 hours of traveling and 2 lost bags, I'm back in Chicago, safe and sound. Fulbright will decide within a month if the situation has improved enough to bring us back.

I'd love to offer some sage insights about the current situation in Egypt, share some thoughts about what might happen next, or at least speculate about whether the Fulbright program will be reinstated. Unfortunately, my understanding of the situation is just as dependent on CNN as anyone's. I'm also hesitant to say too much on a public blog. I have no idea who will be in power in a month or how receptive this person will be to critiques of Mubarak's regime. However, given the chance to return, I hope to.

For now, please send your thoughts and prayers to the people of Egypt. The suffering in Tahrir Square - blocks from where my ETA companions and I lived during training in Cairo - the incredible damage to infrastructure, and the uncertainty surrounding the future of the political system there... very stressful and scary. All we can do is hope and trust that things will get better, eventually.

Jordan!

Fulbright brought all the ETAs (English Teaching Assistants) from across the Middle East and North Africa to Amman, Jordan for a four-day mid-year conference. The conference itself was nice. Uncle Sam put us up in a swanky hotel, gave us some money to spend (even though all meals were covered) and, using as many euphemisms as possible, encouraged us to drink with our fellow ETAs and share stories and strategies discovered during our first semesters as professors. We also attended a semi-professional conference by day, but like most public-sector trainings I’ve encountered, this was at best a bit underwhelming, and at worst a shameful waste of money. Enough ranting: I did have fun. Fulbright even let us stick around several extra days and do touristy stuff.

One thing that struck me was the amount of history such a small country can boast. We saw remnants of civilizations spanning several millennia. A favorite was Petra. One of the new seven wonders of the world, Petra is an ancient Nabataean city carved into rocks that you may recognize from an Indiana Jones set. Also impressive were Jerrash – a well-preserved Roman city – and an Arab fort used to defend against the Crusaders in Ajlun. We waded into the Dead Sea and dipped our fingers in the Jordan River where Jesus is believed to have been baptized. We tore across the desert in a Jeep to see ancient carvings (of dubious veracity), find shards of turquoise stones (ditto), and let our vertigo trip alongside gigantic crevices that descended deeper than my eyes cared to venture. Jordan is yet another part of the Middle East/North Africa with a unique, fascinating history. I highly recommend a visit if you ever get the chance.

Nevertheless, it was nice to return to Egypt. In the short 24 hours since returning, Nick and I have experienced Cairo’s smog, argued for what felt like hours with taxi drivers about fares, nearly died in rickety cars speeding across the Nile Delta and, most importantly, reconnected with friends in Zagazig who one would swear thought we went to America for several months instead of nearby Jordan for eight days. Egypt also has an impressive history, and over the next two weeks Kathryn Nishimura – a good friend from Peace Corps – and I plan to explore as much of it as possible. Updates to come.

On Security

As today’s other entry mentions, the Fulbright ETA crew headed to Jordan last week. One salient characteristic of Jordanian society is the apt security force. When we arrived in Amman, a suspicious metallic object was placed under the visas in our passports (tracking devices?), and we had to put our eyes up to something that looked like I imagine a retina scanner would. I didn’t really think anything of it – the security was for my safety, right? – until one evening when some friends and I experienced an odd quirk in the security apparatus.

Our third night in Jordan, before joining the other Fulbrighters at a local bar, two of my best friends here (Ella and Alex) and I decided to enjoy a bottle of wine in our hotel room. Lacking a corkscrew – we hail from Egypt, after all – we called down to the front desk and a man promptly appeared to open our wine. In the interest of not mincing words, let’s just say the situation could have looked... well, sexual, especially to someone from a country where girls don’t hang out alone with boys and most people do not consume alcohol. Even in Egypt, unmarried, opposite sex couples often aren’t allowed to share hotel rooms. So the situation could have seemed odd: two guys and a girl were sitting around in a dimly lit hotel room, listening to Kanye’s 808’s and Heartbreaks album (arguably his smoothest and slowest compilation), and drinking wine. Moreover, across the Levant nicer hotels are often venues for businessmen and politicians to host escorts. Our uncorking friend could perhaps be forgiven for assuming a ménage would soon be underway.

About half an hour later, Ella looked up and said that she saw the reflection from a mirror under the door. The mirror disappeared, and by the time Ella made it to the door the hallway was empty. I hastily dismissed Ella’s analysis of the situation – why on earth would there be a mirror peeking under our doorway? – and Alex and I suggested several possible alternative explanations: someone with metallic shoes had walked past, a service cart had rolled by, etc. Ella remained insistent for a moment or two before we all internally decided not to ruin the wine/music with silly debates.

Another half hour later, Ella pointed Alex toward the door, and this time Alex also saw a rectangular object peeking underneath, reflecting light from the hallway in a concentrated beam that caught different objects around our room. Alex started walking toward the door, the light disappeared, and by the time Alex was in the hallway our sneaky friend must have absconded into the service closet, elevator, or a nearby room. There was no uncertainty in either of their minds: a mirror had been placed to allow outsiders to see into our room. Upon closer examination of the door, we discovered that the bottom inch was sawn off (haphazardly, I might add) and that, if someone wanted to they could lay down in the hallway and see into the room. There were also mirrors placed in the entryway that allowed one to see nearly the entire room from the doorway. Lacking anything to conceal, we weren’t too worried about it; nevertheless we did finish our libations quickly and left, intentionally informing as many hotel staff as possible of our departure by asking inane questions about directions and taxi fares and whatever else we could come up with. Again, it’s not that we had anything to hide: Alex and I just didn’t want anyone deciding to enter the room when the lights were turned off.

And now, the burning question in everyone’s minds: why on earth would the hotel staff care even if we were having a threesome? I still struggle to wrap my mind around it. But the frequency with which the mirror appeared (every half hour) suggests that the hotel staff could not have been merely doing a routine check of every room in the hotel. Something was wrong with our room, and that something began when our friend opened our wine. In a conservative region of the world, perhaps sinful actions like threesomes are not tolerated by the government, or at least by certain hotel staffs. I’ve heard of opposition candidates in the Middle East being blackmailed with photos and movies taken in hotel rooms, so some level of surveillance isn’t entirely uncommon. Or maybe we just had a pervert on our hands. Yet one more mystery from our time spent in this region.

On Safety

A few people have expressed concern over my safety since the church was bombed in Alexandria last weekend. I just want to take this moment to assure everyone that I’m really fine. I mean, to be honest, it was a bit rattling – we had been at a nearby church a week earlier for Christmas Eve – but I’ve also been amazed by our Egyptian friends’ reactions. They’re as horrified as we are. Here’s a decent piece in the Times that shows the outrage.

I’d like to corroborate that piece with a personal anecdote:
Tonight is Christmas Eve in the Coptic Church. A year ago there was a shooting outside a church on Christmas Day. Tensions are high. After the bombing a week ago, there were reports that the Coptic Pope was going to cancel Christmas this year. Many churches are still holding services. In an amazing show of solidarity, many of my Muslim friends here in Zagazig are going to the Christmas Eve services. It's a nation-wide movement. The assumption is that nobody will blow up a building packed with Muslims. And then Copts can still have Christmas. This inspiring act shows the extent to which Egyptians will go out of their way for others. It’s an intense example of the attitudes Nick and I have encountered in Zagazig since day 1. No, we’re not Egyptians, we’re not Muslims, and while we do our best to peter around with Arabic, we’re certainly not natives. But it really doesn’t matter. The residents of Zagazig have smothered us with genuine care. They do more than just respect our differences – they embrace them, and us. In four short months, I’ve fallen in love with this town. And we still have five wonderful months left here.

So Merry Christmas everyone. Let’s all say a quick prayer for a safe evening.

Amr Diab

My sitemate Nick offered an excellent blog entry on the (truly spectacular) concert we went to last weekend. I’ll just add that I left the concert with various bumps, bruises and gashes, and a heel that is entirely blue. At one point, I fell in a several-feet-deep hole. My phone fell (/was taken?) out of my pocket and shattered on the ground, and I’m still trying to buy all the required replacement pieces. On a more serious note, one section of seating collapsed at the concert and 61 people were taken to the hospital. But yes, Nick and I are fine, and I think I speak for both of us when I say, “That concert was amazing.”

The Tummier the Yummier

PEANUT BUTTER!

No, Carl. Restrain yourself. You don’t have much left.

PEANUT BUTTER!

Ugh. Really? Again? It’s 8 am. And you ate two dollops right before bed last night. Is there anything else you’d like for breakfast?

CHEESE!

You don’t have any cheese in the house. Cheese here is either bad or expensive. Try again.

OLIVES!

For breakfast? Ugh. Fine.

WITH PEANUT BUTTER!!!

For some reason I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth. Fats, salts and proteins have always possessed a much stronger pull. Don’t get me wrong, I love all things ice cream and dark chocolate. But I don’t often find myself craving even them. Fat, on the other hand, always sounds delicious. Bacon? Yes please! Avocados on everything? Sounds great, preferably also smothered in olive oil… (I have yet to find pork bacon or a decent avocado in this country…) My favorite Mauritanian food was “backfat,” literally: the extra tender fat from around the spine of an animal, lightly toasted over a very sketchy tire-fire. And in the winter, I crave extra fat: likely my body’s attempt to stay warm.

Now, I’ve done winters. I don't miss them at all. I grew up in Wisconsin and went to school in Iowa. Last year I lived in Chicago and Minneapolis. Sure, snow and Christmas are great. But frigid blasts sweeping across Lake Michigan and fingering through the streets of Chi-town will ruin any holiday spirit. Waiting for the bus at 46th St and Bryant Ave S, in a foot of snow, became especially grueling when the bus was running late. Conversely, here, people started whipping out thick coats when the temperature dropped into the 60’s. Last week it slipped into the upper 40’s overnight, and people freaked out. Our Arabic teacher now looks like an Eskimo. All things considered, winters here are great.

That said, I’m often cold. The insulation in most buildings is painfully lacking. The windows and doors in our apartment don’t even form an airtight seal when they’re closed. And the only real heater in our place is in Nick’s room (jealous.) so our common room often resembles a refrigerator by nightfall. (No worries Mom, I bought a small space heater for my room so I don't freeze overnight, but I'm scared it will start a fire, so I tearfully unplug it before falling asleep.) While I can’t complain about the weather outside hovering in the 50’s most days, it sucks feeling constantly chilled. There’s no way to get warm. I have taken to scalding showers, but the icy world outside the bathroom brings me right back to winter in Egypt. My body isn’t happy. So, my cravings have gone hyperactive.

This new wave of cravings is note-worthy due to its intensity. I’ve always been a pretty big eater. As I child, I shopped in the “hefty” section at Kohl’s. In Mauritania I earned the nickname “trash man” (shout out to my fellow trash ma’am, Lindsay Hansen, who coined the term) for my uncanny ability to finish everyone else’s food. At Best Buy, I won an eating contest by consuming three 14” medium-crust pizzas in one sitting. But the cravings these past few weeks have been embarrassingly prominent. And constant. If I find out that, after having eaten already, Nick hasn’t eaten dinner yet… then yeah, I’d love to eat again! Two hours since second-supper? Sounds like time for a nightcap of the fattiest thing I can locate. And when I amble out of my bedroom in the morning, my first stop is our (nearly empty) fridge and (equally barren) cupboards. After teaching for an hour or two, I’m pretty sure it’s time for lunch. At lunch, I stop myself after consuming a larger-than-normal portion, even though I’m not full. And then I begin snacking. Repeat 5 times. Veg on the weekends. And there you have it: a typical week. I doubt I’ll be losing 35 pounds this stay in the Sahara.

Weddings, Relationships, Sex and Porn

I attended my first Egyptian wedding this weekend. There were all sorts of interesting superficial notes: for example, instead of guys and girls dancing together at the party, the guys all stood in one circle and proceeded to grind on each other, and the girls did the same at the other end of the ballroom. Even married couples didn’t dance with each other. Only the couple getting married danced together. (An aside: given how much Egyptians love sugar, I really shouldn’t have been surprised to see several people serve themselves eight pieces of cake unabashedly. But it was still funny.)

The wedding was certainly an interesting experience, but it got me thinking about how each of our cultures has determined one should find a mate. It’s almost like different cultures just have different “mating dances,” with clearly defined rules and expectations.

In Egypt, especially outside of Cairo and Alexandria, couples are often set up by their parents. They may meet a few times – probably with a chaperone – before the big day. But for the most part the two kids (I say kids because many are younger than me) are total strangers when they wed. Divorces happen but are not encouraged, and it’s difficult for a woman to initiate a divorce unless she can prove her husband has been unfaithful. So you get married, and you’re kind of stuck. And yet, that’s how entire populations do it.

Conversely, in America, you are groomed to find someone on your own. As an adolescent you are taught to search for someone with similar values, a personality that stretches yours, and maybe someone who induces a Disney-like sense of “love.” Parents offer feedback when they meet their children’s significant others to try to condition their children into picking acceptable mates, but most parents wouldn’t dream of trying to “veto” an adult child’s choice in a spouse – at least not explicitly. If anything, there is pressure to approve outwardly of anyone your child chooses. There are a number of things can kill a relationship before you ever walk down the aisle. If one of those things happens, you move on and find someone else.

Now, I must admit, I love having choices, especially regarding whom I will marry. I have seen American friends enter into truly remarkable marriages that likely never would have happened if their parents had been responsible for finding their children's partners. Egyptian parents are also much less likely to choose appropriate mates for our LGBT brothers and sisters. I'm glad I grew up in the American context. But maybe there’s something to be said for sucking up your pride and deciding that you’re going to be happy with someone because you don’t have a choice.

I remember when I first arrived in Chinguetti with Peace Corps. I didn’t know my sitemate at all. I think she and I would both admit that we had some major personality clashes early on. But neither Jessica nor I had any say in who our sitemates would be, so we just quit feeling sorry for ourselves, and before long we became best friends. We provided each other with support on tough days, we saw each other cry, and we celebrated victories together. We endured all that Mauritania could throw at us – and believe me, it was a lot – and we came to respect each other in the process. By halfway through my year in Chinguetti, I was already dreading the day that Jessica would leave. In my 15 months since leaving Chinguetti, I have kept in contact with Jessica regularly, and I miss her dearly.

It’s amazing how much you can come to value someone just by deciding you have to. When you spend enough time with someone, you find things to value in that person. When you find enough things to value in a person (even if you have to remind yourself of those things often), you find intimacy, companionship, and even “love.”

Now I have been assigned a new sitemate on the other end of the Sahara. Nick and I planned to live together before ever having a conversation with each other. And, once again, it’s been totally great. We have different personalities, different living styles (somehow he hasn’t killed me for my messiness yet), and we are even at different points in our lives. He’s just out of college: the world is his oyster. I’m a couple years out of college, I’ve worked in three vastly different settings, and I have a definite plan for after Fulbright. But we can still relate.

Experiences like this make me think that if we had no choice about who we spent our lives with, maybe we would make it work, just for sanity’s sake. Maybe there isn’t something morally superior about searching around for your “soulmate” for years. Maybe there’s wisdom in sucking up one’s pride and just deciding to be happy. Maybe this is just another style of “mating dance” that humans have developed to foster intimacy… or at least to propagate the species.

That all said, I’ve also seen some marriages fall to shreds here. But marriages fall apart in the States too, and I’m not willing to chalk up all Egypt’s marital problems to a flawed Egyptian “mating dance.” Furthermore, I only spent one year with Jessica, and I will only spend one year with Nick – hardly the same as spending the rest of my life with someone. Sometimes there are very legitimate reasons for ending a marriage, and I don't mean to downplay those. I also don't want to make it sound like a relationship that lasts forever is "successful" while one that doesn't is not. I think these are important notes because I don’t want to sound like I’m idolizing the Egyptian method of selecting a spouse. This was just a theory. I’m still trying to figure out how much I believe it myself.

The rest of this entry will be filled with random notes on friendship, dating, and sex and (dare I say it?) pornography in Egypt:

It bothers me that when Nick and I hang out with friends here, we are always hanging out with just guys. It wouldn’t be appropriate for girls to join our group. How could Egyptians go through their entire life without being friends with anyone of the opposite sex? In the words of one friend here, “We don’t know what we’re missing, so it doesn’t really bother us.” Other Egyptians will insist that guys and girls can be friends here, but the examples they give of other-gendered friends are often co-workers that they never see outside of work. “We can work together without any problems – see, guys and girls can be friends!” When I try to explain that some of my dearest friends are women, and that there’s nothing romantic between us, they usually either don’t believe me, or they insist it could never work in Egypt.

An interesting note is that in Cairo and Alexandria, the largest cities in Egypt, it’s becoming increasingly popular for couples to date, even with their parents’ blessing, before they get married. When I arrived, I chalked this up to the superiority of the Western system for finding a mate. As different systems entered the “marketplace of ideas,” our system was emerging as victorious. Condescending? You betcha. But aren’t most holders of progressive ideas at least a little condescending?

Also interesting has been observing how frequently groups of guys will discuss sex here, often very explicitly. Maybe guys really are the same everywhere in the world. One wonders whether these discussions are merely reflections of their high school counterparts in America – I think back to awkward conversations where guys not only offered up any insights they had gained through experience (or at least watching explicit movies), but also tentatively waffled on meatier topics because they didn’t want to say something that might be called out as a lie. How many of our guy friends here are as experienced as they say? How many really have nine girlfriends? And do these men really just view their current (secret) girlfriends as sex objects to be enjoyed until their parents set them up with someone respectable? Or is there an emotional connection there too? More likely, are they just trying to show off by seeming experienced, when in reality they haven’t spent an hour alone with anyone of the opposite sex in their entire lives?

A final noteworthy bit is the prevalence of pornography here. I noticed this same phenomenon on the other end of the desert. Mauritanian men watch porn together. A lot. Sometimes at work. So it shouldn’t have been too shocking when my Egyptian guard (see: two entries back) whipped out his cell phone to show me pictures of two naked women having sex with props. He did not understand when I recoiled in shock. So apparently, Allah doesn’t care about porn, but guys and girls aren’t allowed to be friends. Makes total sense.

Really, what all this emphasizes is how impressed I am with anyone who dates or marries someone from another culture. I’m not talking about when an American dates a Western European, either. There are cultural differences there too, sure. But when even the processes of meeting significant others are culturally defined, and those processes are defined very differently, how does one even begin? Somehow people from totally different cultures date, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. It happens. Last month we met a former Fulbrighter who married an Egyptian man and now wears a niqab (full body covering for women). Could I ever do that? Well, thank Allah I wouldn’t have to don a niqab, but would I make any sort of similar commitment/sacrifice? She also moved to a small village; could I contentedly spend the rest of my life in such a setting? I’d like to think I’m open-minded enough – but frankly, I doubt it. And, since I’ve been groomed in our Western tradition of having a choice about who my spouse will be, if I don’t want to marry someone from a culture totally different from mine, I probably never will.

That said, I left the wedding this weekend with a rose from the wedding bouquet – a sign that I will get married soon. Maybe I shouldn’t rule anything out. :)

Camel liver, brains, and a really spicy pepper

Egypt’s food situation isn’t too terribly exciting. The common dishes are totally adequate and a definite improvement on Mauritanian cuisine, but for an aspiring foodie, Egypt leaves something to be desired. Even expensive restaurants in Cairo aren’t that impressive. I stopped trying after discovering that one of the “best” Italian joints in town really just served bland-ish pasta. Common foods here: Tameyya – felafel’s less-flavorful and more stringy cousin, stuffed in a bland pita; foul – refried fava beans, also stuffed in a bland pita; koshary – plan pasta and rice with a dash of tomato sause and a spattering of lentils. Again, these foods are totally adequate and a definite step up from sandy couscous. But sometimes one just craves something that will entertain the taste buds.

I like trying new food. Over the years I have gotten to try some fun stuff: chicken hearts in Brazil (turns out they're delicious), intestines in Argentina (though I must admit I never really “loved” those), really spicy food in Ethiopia and India, raw meat in Minneapolis, “ass butter” in RIM (milk fermented and then turned into butter – it never spoils, but always smells like the maker forgot to wash her hands after using the bathroom)... Heck, up until about four years ago, I didn’t even really like wine, olives, or tomatoes. Now they are staples of my diet.

When Egyptians feel adventurous with their consumption patterns, occasionally they venture into liver. I really like liver. Last night a friend asked if I had ever tried camel liver, ostensibly the “best” liver in the world. I figured his bias had more to do with the Arab’s love of all things camel than with the actual quality of camel liver. I mean, I get it: camels were the primary status symbol, and they were great pack animals, for thousands of years. Linguistically, Arab's love of camels is reflected in several hilarious verbs, likely millions. Why yes, actually, I DO need a single word to describe having tied my camel up at a rival tribe’s watering hole so that it could go into labor and then getting in a fight with the local tribe over who owned the baby camel. Really, it’s useful vocabulary.

In Mauritania, camels were similarly revered. Camel milk was considered “better” than its bovine counterpart, its meat a symbol of wealth. Heck, even dowry’s are paid in camels.

So when my friend asked if I had tried camel liver, and he subsequently raved about how amazing it was, I figured I should take his praises with a grain of salt. I was sure it was probably fine, but worth the adulation usually reserved for wines too expensive to justify? Surely not. But then he asked if I had tried “brains.” Hmm. “Nope.” My immediate impulse was to say, “And I don’t really want to.” But thinking back to delicious chicken hearts, I inquired further: were they stringy? rubbery? Nope, very “soft.” They’re cooked, right? "Of course!"

I was going to try brains. A wave of jitters and excitement took hold of me when walking to the restaurant. My thoughts ranged from, “I wonder if I’ll like them” to “Gosh I hope I don’t get some weird disease and die.”

Camel liver was unsurprisingly underwhelming. It’s flavorful, sure, but it’s also the toughest and most rubbery liver I’ve ever encountered.

Watching the cooks bring out fresh brains, bread them in front of me, and then drop them in a vat of boiling oil, was pretty exciting. Sure enough, brains are really “soft.” A better word might be “gooey.” They aren’t quite chicken hearts, but they were fun to try.

The highlight of the night though was when my sitemate, Nick, decided to eat a plate full of veggies covered in crushed red pepper. “They aren’t bad.” Sure enough, the tomatoes and cucumbers weren’t nearly as spicy as they should have been considering the layer of spice smothering them. A minute later, the server brought out a medium-sized pepper sliced into strips. Much as I like spicy food, I get scared of random peppers that are set in front of me, especially in foreign countries. Nick unhesitatingly grabbed the biggest piece of pepper on the plate and stuck nearly the whole thing in his mouth. I tried to squeak in before it was too late: “Dude – is that a hot pepper?” He was already chewing. “Nah…” And then, something almost cartoon-like happened. After about 5 seconds of confidently chewing and rubbing those little seeds all over his tongue, he gasped, “Oh no…” His face became red (and perhaps a little swollen), tears welled in his eyes, and he was nearly hyperventilating. Everyone in the restaurant thought it was pretty funny (I might have too...). The restaurant owners were very accommodating – they brought him bread and milk, chuckling at the American who actually ate the spicy pepper.

We decided on the walk home that from a utilitarian perspective, his five minutes of extreme suffering were likely outweighed by the joy that it brought everyone in the restaurant, myself included. I promptly offered to douse all his food in random spices, and he politely declined.

What the Egyptian food scene lacks in flavor, it makes up for in stories like this one.

I always wanted a personal security force?

Egypt puts a lot of money into its military and police. Well, the US gives Egypt a lot of money to put into its military and police, but that’s not the point. The point is that, sometimes, in the name of “security” (i.e. keeping an eye on foreigners?) private security officers are assigned to follow foreigners everywhere. Nick and I were the lucky recipients of a string of gun-wielding “friends” to “show us around.” In their defense, they were often quite friendly and engaging, and they thought it was pretty fun to teach us inappropriate phrases in Arabic. But the whole situation has been a little bizarre.

The first night we had a guard Nick and I were a little confused. A man just started following us, and he had a gun. When we tried to get into our friend’s car to go to a restaurant, the man motioned to join us. Our friend and the new security officer exchanged a couple words. The officer whipped out a badge. “Apparently someone in Cairo told him to go everywhere with you.”

Fortunately this guard was quite friendly. Sure, it was inconvenient to have to check in with guards every time we went to the supermarket, but we had heard stories of similar incidents all over the country, so for some reason we weren’t too concerned. It almost became “normal.”

...until time came to travel. A few weeks back, I visited an oasis west of Alexandria with Fulbright. We had told our security officers where I was going, so I was pretty surprised when I received four phone calls on the road from Egyptian friends. “Where are you? Your security officer is crying.” I’m going to Siwa with Fulbright, I told him that. “Saad knows you’re not going to Siwa – he heard you are going to Sinai. Why did you lie to him?” Ummm… I didn’t lie. I’m really going to Siwa. “You must report back with the name of the bus company you’re traveling with, the names of all your drivers, a list of every hotel you’re staying at, and how many security officers you’ll have with you at all times.”

This was getting excessive. So I told Fulbright. Turns out Nick and I probably shouldn’t have gotten used to having an armed guard with us at all times. Turns out that’s likely not appropriate at all.

This began one of the most complicated, political, and offensive series of encounters we’ve had yet. People at our English center were mad that Fulbright had gotten involved. “Why didn’t you tell us – why did you report us to Fulbright?” The security officers backed off for a night or two, but then began following us everywhere again. Some security officers – some of the most friendly, actually – were “let go.”

But our security situation didn’t entirely end there. One night a friend called us and asked if we wanted to go to a wedding. Yes, of course we did. He told us we would leave at 8 pm. At 7:30, our security officer showed up, asking what our plans were for the evening. “We’re going to a wedding with Bassim.” Our security officer said goodbye and wished us a pleasant evening. Ten minutes later, we got a call from Bassim, “Your security officer stopped by. He said you can’t go to the wedding because it’s in Cairo and you aren’t allowed to leave Zagazig.”

1- Cairo’s only an hour from Zagazig.
2- There is absolutely no rule “confining” us to Zagazig.
3- Our security officer didn’t confront us about it, he just told our friend not to take us. And our friend, being scared of the security forces in Egypt, listened.

We walked out of our front door later that evening to discover our security guard waiting for us. “When are you going to the wedding?” I still can't believe he had the cajones to ask us that. He then followed us around the rest of the evening, and we complained once again. Since then, we have not had a guard follow us anywhere, but not for lack of effort. Fortunately the guards have grown to accept that we are perfectly safe in Zagazig. Funny encounters still occur though. Here’s one:

This morning I rolled out of bed at a lazy 11 am. It’s Saturday and I had been up too late talking with friends online. Feeling terribly hungry, but not having much to consume around the house, I barely dressed myself and, hair still disheveled, I went to buy some bread from a bakery around the corner. Any friends who have seen me in the first five minutes after I wake know I’m hardly coherent and usually not fit for public viewing.

When I stepped off the elevator, I was greeted by a guard. “Are you going to the university now?” I looked down at my barely-appropriate attire and shot back a confused look. It’s Saturday. No, I’m not going to the university. “Where are you going?” To the bakery. “Just the bakery?” Yes. “Do you want me to come with you?” That’s not necessary.

When I arrived, the bakery was out of bread. It was, after all, already 11 am. So, I swung by a boutique next door and purchased a package of ramen noodles. I walked back toward our apartment building, where the guard was waiting for me. “Where did you go?” The bakery. [He looked down at my package of ramen noodles and pointed at it, accusingly.] The bakery was out of bread, so I went to the boutique – you know, the one between here and the bakery – and bought this instead. “The bakery was out of bread?” [More accusing glares.] Yes. The bakery was out of bread. “Okay, where are you going now? To the university?” No. It’s Saturday. I’m not going to the university. “Are you going downtown?” No, I’m going back to the apartment. “Just to your apartment?” Yes. “Will you go anywhere later today?” I don’t know, probably? “Where is Nick? Did he go downtown?” No, Nick is sleeping upstairs. “Sleeping?” Yes, sleeping. “Why is he sleeping?” Because he’s tired? “Will he go anywhere later?” I’m really not sure.

That was an extreme example. Usually we just tell them where we’re going, they ask us if they should come, and we say, “No.” It’s kind of funny to think that several people are employed just to sit by our apartment building and ask us where we’re going. But I guess these are jobs people need, and it’s a result of a bloated security force propped up by a foreign superpower. Thanks US government, once again, I totally agree with the things you spend money on.

Zagazig!

I'm going to try to offer bits from my first six weeks in Egypt over the course of several entries.

First off, I'm thrilled to say that I survived intensive Arabic, moved to site, found an apartment, and this/next week should begin teaching. My site is a delightful town with incredibly friendly people. By far the smallest of the sites to receive Fulbrighters, Zagazig has a certain charm that was lacking in Cairo. No, we don't have the options for entertainment we had in Cairo - symphony concerts, amazing museums, the pyramids and the Sphinx were wonderful diversions - but after two short weeks here I already feel surrounded by a community of teachers and neighbors that have made us feel incredibly welcome.

My sitemate, Nick, is a native of Ohio who graduated from Case Western. His Arabic skills far surpass mine. We found a roomy three bedroom, 1.5 bath near the Center for English where we work. There's plenty of places to host passers-through!

A couple highlights friends in Zagazig have introduced us to:
- bumper cars - the kind that haven't been maintenanced since the last time I rode bumper cars, at least a decade ago. It adds to the fun, I promise.
- Basaam bakery. Sorry RIM, we have chocolate on this end of the Sahara. Good chocolate. I didn't taste chocolate this good during my entire stay in Cairo. Allah knows I looked.
- hot dog crepes. animal parts and gobs of cheese (yes RIM, we have cheese on this end of the Sahara, too) are slathered into a crepe that, for $2 apiece, is going to be a cheap way to pack on pounds this year. There's a stand across the street from our apartment building. Ugh. I still haven't found a gym.
- Haysim. An entire entry will be devoted to this man soon. He has shown us true Egyptian hospitality, given us a crash course in every insult the local dialect has to offer, and introduced us to new people every night. I'm confident that this man is the reason Nick and I are having such an amazing time - especially when I speak with other Fulbrighters in other sites (larger cities) who are struggling to make friends. Thanks Haysim.

We're six weeks in. This is supposed to be the low point on the "culture shock" timeline. I'm still having a blast.

This is going to be a great year.